Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dear god my vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
