The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
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Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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