last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
