I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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