Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
