it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
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I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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