dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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