she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
