I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
