You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
