I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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