I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
