just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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