OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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