this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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