11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize