I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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