Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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