i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
