we have officially lost it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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