the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
