he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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