I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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