there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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