guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
