Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
