you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
