WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
