You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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