someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
