if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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