pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
