I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize