There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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