She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I can't turn off my feet"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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