did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean