How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
worst night to have a conscience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.