i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
