Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just gargled with NyQuil
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown