Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Why? Who won?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  we don't know. we ran out of oranges.

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  (440): I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges. (1-440): Why? Who won? (440): we don't know. we ran out of oranges. http://tfl.nu/wlmn
  Replies (1) Good night (1643) Bad night (595)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

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  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2834) Bad night (631)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.

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  (514): Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight. http://tfl.nu/evaz
  Replies (19) Good night (969) Bad night (4584)
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  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

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  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (7008) Bad night (856)
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  (845): View more from New York

  They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.

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  (845): They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory. http://tfl.nu/jr9q
  Replies (7) Good night (1211) Bad night (3688)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!

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  (610): I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin! http://tfl.nu/gtgt
  Replies (14) Good night (9344) Bad night (1731)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

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  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (1189) Bad night (4179)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk

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  (480): im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk http://tfl.nu/jram
  Replies (6) Good night (5190) Bad night (785)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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  (815): He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet. http://tfl.nu/dtlg
  Replies (6) Good night (2430) Bad night (1814)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.

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  (785): They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though. http://tfl.nu/ta81
  Replies (2) Good night (1360) Bad night (498)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though

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  (512): I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though http://tfl.nu/zufj
  Replies (2) Good night (1229) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.

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  (215): Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it. http://tfl.nu/dtmi
  Replies (4) Good night (355) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?

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  (763): Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/l6gg
  Replies (0) Good night (366) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.

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  (218): In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first. http://tfl.nu/gyje
  Replies (1) Good night (797) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us

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  (763): No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested (612): Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us http://tfl.nu/ydpg
  Replies (7) Good night (1406) Bad night (350)

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