hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.