we have pet lesbian snakes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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