you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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