i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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