It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
