Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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