The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
