This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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