I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The power of my boobs compel you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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