well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
