I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
