just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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