What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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