Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
