You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
