ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
