Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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