how can u be prego again
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
