so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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