I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
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