new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
