My hand turned me down
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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